Shagaia's Retreat

Intensity

Ron, my beloved partner of 18 years, seems to be a little stressed with me and my intense digging and searching into our psyche and why we are where we are and how we can get to where we want to be. We have been immersed in an intense two-week discussion concerning what we are doing and what we say we want to be doing and why what we say we believe in is not what we are doing!

I have often been accused of being too intense; I was told by my one of my partners that I would never have a lasting relationship because no one could put up with my intensity for very long. I did explain this to Ron when we first got together but I don’t think he really understood how intense it could be.

Thru the years I have given that statement some deep thought and I give much appreciation to the one who cared enough about me to share that thought. I have questioned very intensely who I would be if I gave up this passionate intensity.

After much deep intense thought I decided that I liked my intensity; that it is an important part of who I am. I feel deeply and passionately about things and I am always extremely curious about how and why things are the way they are and why we as humans respond the way we do.

I am forever analyzing my self and my actions as well as everyone and everything I come in contact with. So it seems natural that I would analyze this intensity thing that seems to afflict me and make me a pain in the neck for those around me.

It does not seem to be a family trait for my family of origin thinks I’m pretty weird and they are not at all eager to spend much time in my company.

My dictionary describes intensity as acute, strong, or vehement, as sensations, feelings or emotions. Intensity to me means I am vitally interested in why my life is going in the direction it is going and why I have chosen to direct it to the current experiences. My belief is that we are all the creators of our lives and so it is important that we be continuously aware of what is going on in our life and accepting the full responsibility for it knowing that, whatever it is, we created it and so it is in our life for a reason. That means if it is something we want more of then we must know what we were thinking to draw it in and the same applies to getting rid of it if it is not what we enjoy and want more of.

It is not always easy to dissect our thoughts and feelings and uncover our reasons for creating some of the stuff that we stir up. It is however always worth the effort and if it pisses some people off well we can open to letting them get over it!

The message here is be who you are without apologies to any one! “Stand in your own space and know you are there.” I don’t remember who said it but it hangs on my bathroom wall so I can constantly be reminded that who I am is very important and must always be honored by me.