Shagaia's Retreat

. . . of thanks I recently sent to a friend who graciously prepared a gift for us. Perhaps it will prod you to remember someone who has touched your life and you will be led to express your appreciation to them.

Dear (Friend),

Monday dawned dark and dreary and, as morning arose to make the day, brought the rain with it to water our sieve-like soil. This presented us a great excuse for doing nothing more than settling in to our favorite chairs to explore what lay between the covers of the latest book from the library. Alas, in time, our reverie was disturbed by the growing rumble of dissatisfaction from the tummy.

What shall we eat? What shall we eat? The oft repeated phrase echoed as we once again trekked into the kitchen in search of sustenance. Today, however, the gray skies turned to sunshine as we spied a container of home-made soup waiting to tantalize our taste buds. What joy to discover this treasure! Like kids with a new toy we quickly heated our portions and retired to the table to enjoy this gift of gastronomic delight.

Staring into the rich, warm, aromatic, broth we were acutely aware of the love and kindness and effort and expense that went in to the making of this offering of comfort and caring. And then, after the soup – Ahhh – settling back with a fresh cup of coffee and a giant home-made cookie baked just right – not too hard, not to soft – just right, with giant chunks of chocolate to make us think we had died and gone to heaven. What a grand time was had by all!

Such a gesture of friendship is deeply appreciated and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. God’s angels truly appear from unexpected places and we close our eyes in thankful prayer that this particular angel is in our life today.

We love you. We appreciate you. We bless you. The Light and Love of God flow through you like a beacon and bless all you touch.

Gail and Ron

Well a lot has happened since last we posted. I think I started a previous post with that same sentence. We are now in the process of re-launching our Workshop career after having spent the last eight years recovering and doing something else – mainly working for the Man. Have to admit we had some great times, made some great friends, saw some amazing country and touched a lot of lives. “The Call” however is now sounding so loudly in our ears and pulling so strongly at our hearts that we are answering.

Along with that action is a commitment to our writing career. I am personally using the book The Artists Way as a guide to recovering my “music”. If you have seen the movie August Rush you will know what I mean. If you haven’t seen it do so. As part of the work of the book, I am writing three pages every day and have just completed my 32^nd consecutive day – it is becoming a habit I enjoy.

Another commitment I have made is to write a blog post every Monday – more often when I receive direction if I want. Hence today’s blog post. From this point on God is recognized and acknowledged as the Source of our income. We know it will come through various channels at the perfect time to meet our needs.

So that takes care of the first blog post. That wasn’t so hard now was it? I’ll tell you about our first book which we have completed next Monday if I can wait that long. See ya, Shanti.

(The following talk was given by Gayatri to the Youth of Unity at Unity of Gainesville FL today.)

I go by the name Gail, sometimes Gayatri and often YaYa. I have been on the earth plane 70 years.

I believe my purpose is to share the love that I am with all that I meet on my journey through this earth. I am devoted to living and experiencing life on a peaceful, loving planet.

I have many talents but my favorite and most used is talking.  I am an excellent talker.  Some say I talk too much but I know that is not possible. That means the opportunity to talk with you today was simply too good to pass up.

What a great honor and pleasure it is be here with you today.

Young people are some of my very favorite folks. I think that is because they think young. Old folks seem to talk about the past and what was. Young people talk more about what is and can be.

The topic “what I wish I had known then” is vast, there is so much that I really don’t know where to start.

So being an old hippie I say lets start with drugs, sex, and rock and roll.

What I have learned is that we must be just as mindful of legal drugs as we are of illegal drugs.  One of my soapbox rants is that alcohol is not listed as a lethal drug and it is, I believe, one of the most harmful drugs available.

It is the one that was most available in my early years and one that I have had a lot of experience with. Being a good child of alcoholic parents, I followed in their footsteps for a while until fortunately my body rebelled and I was led to answers that helped me change my direction.

My son at 22 was in an accident that left him a paraplegic and then at 32 was shot 5 times by his best friend and alcohol was a major ingredient.

My granddaughter was dead at 24 and alcohol was a major ingredient.

I have an open door policy with my grandchildren that says I am always available to listen without judgment and without advice and in absolute confidence. And I have to say that was a very hard promise to keep when my 16-year-old granddaughter told me she was not affected by alcohol.

One of the studies that helped me was homeostasis; the body always seeking balance.

When we don’t feel good about ourselves we create a chemical imbalance and when we are fearful our blood vessels contract and if we drink alcohol they expand and so we often use alcohol to help balance our chemistry.

Nicotine is another of the drugs that is legal and deadly and is about balancing our anger. When we are angry our blood vessels expand and the nicotine restricts.

The point is be aware that whatever the drug, it changes our chemical balance and it will cause different reactions in different people. So if you feel a compelling need to try any of them, take a moment and ask yourself, what is it I want from this experience?

Sex:

Most important thing I learned about sex is that it is not love!

Sex and love are not the same. Sex can get in the way of great friendships and sex while in high school can get in the way of good times and good friends. Sex is not nearly as important in a relationship as friendship.

Rock and Roll:

Our stories are told in our music – our hopes and dreams, our doubts and fears, our truths and fantasies. I believe that music is a way of reaching people because it will stir the soul and open the heart.

Everyone needs music!

“Still like that old time rock and roll

That kind of music just soothes my soul”

What I know now that I wish I had known then is: I know that I am a wonderful, Divine, adored child of God.

I am one with the Power of the Universe. I am God manifest in all my uniqueness.

I know that I can speak the word to my self “be still and know that I am God” and the static in my head, the monkey mind, will quiet.

I know that whatever is in my life is there because I have drawn it to me for my growth. I know that every person in my life is in my life because of sacred agreements. I know that I am free to change the format at any time I choose.

I know that the power in me is truly greater than that without.

I know that wherever I go and whatever I do I am never alone; I am always directed and guided to the people and paths that will serve my highest good.

Most of all, I know that it is okay to be me. Free to be all that I was created to be; the me I came to be. It is an awesome way to live. These are the truths that have set me free!

Remember the oracle of Delphi: “And to thy own Self be true.”

Intensity

Ron, my beloved partner of 18 years, seems to be a little stressed with me and my intense digging and searching into our psyche and why we are where we are and how we can get to where we want to be. We have been immersed in an intense two-week discussion concerning what we are doing and what we say we want to be doing and why what we say we believe in is not what we are doing!

I have often been accused of being too intense; I was told by my one of my partners that I would never have a lasting relationship because no one could put up with my intensity for very long. I did explain this to Ron when we first got together but I don’t think he really understood how intense it could be.

Thru the years I have given that statement some deep thought and I give much appreciation to the one who cared enough about me to share that thought. I have questioned very intensely who I would be if I gave up this passionate intensity.

After much deep intense thought I decided that I liked my intensity; that it is an important part of who I am. I feel deeply and passionately about things and I am always extremely curious about how and why things are the way they are and why we as humans respond the way we do.

I am forever analyzing my self and my actions as well as everyone and everything I come in contact with. So it seems natural that I would analyze this intensity thing that seems to afflict me and make me a pain in the neck for those around me.

It does not seem to be a family trait for my family of origin thinks I’m pretty weird and they are not at all eager to spend much time in my company.

My dictionary describes intensity as acute, strong, or vehement, as sensations, feelings or emotions. Intensity to me means I am vitally interested in why my life is going in the direction it is going and why I have chosen to direct it to the current experiences. My belief is that we are all the creators of our lives and so it is important that we be continuously aware of what is going on in our life and accepting the full responsibility for it knowing that, whatever it is, we created it and so it is in our life for a reason. That means if it is something we want more of then we must know what we were thinking to draw it in and the same applies to getting rid of it if it is not what we enjoy and want more of.

It is not always easy to dissect our thoughts and feelings and uncover our reasons for creating some of the stuff that we stir up. It is however always worth the effort and if it pisses some people off well we can open to letting them get over it!

The message here is be who you are without apologies to any one! “Stand in your own space and know you are there.” I don’t remember who said it but it hangs on my bathroom wall so I can constantly be reminded that who I am is very important and must always be honored by me.

04/04/2008 Gaiatri writes:

This month we celebrate Cinqo de Mayo, our special day, the day we chose to affirm our commitment to each other and our commitment to God.

We have experienced more in our 18 years together than many people experience in a lifetime and we have only just begun!

I ask myself how is it I am still with you when my other relationships never even made it to half that time. I mean hell; I was only with my parents for 16 years.

Four marriages and the next longest lasted 12 years, but was really over after five. So my question for myself was what makes this one different?Why are we still enjoying each other and looking forward to more?

The answer is that I took the time to get to know me. When I realized that the problem was not with my partners, they were simply a reflection of my immature inner self, an inner masculine adolescent that was so afraid of being trapped that all it could do was run and that meant no commitments! That folks is not a firm foundation for a lasting relationship.

When separating from my beloved Emmett (husband #4} I became aware that the problem was not with my partners; it was all about me. In my studies I had heard that awareness is the first step toward creating the change that you want so I knew that I was on to something.

I cried a lot, I prayed a lot, I raged a lot, I hid a lot and finally I decided to explore a bit and find out who I was and why I was. And for the first time I made a conscious commitment to my self to find out who I was and what I wanted for my self. I began a new love affair; the most important one ever for it was with myself!

One of my greatest inspirations and support during this time of self exploration was Louise Hay’s book, “Learn to Love Yourself” and, as is my usual, I jumped in with both feet and gave it my all. What I found was that I am pretty special and I can do and be and have whatever I choose. I have a loving Creator that wants for me whatever I want and will support me in whatever I choose; so why not choose Peace, Power, Plenty – Love, Health and Harmony.

As I became clear on who I was and what I wanted from life everything in my life improved. Even though my son was murdered, my granddaughter was kidnapped, though thankfully quickly recovered, then my daughter and 8 month old granddaughter moved into my wonderful space, created especially for me, My quiet life was disrupted, change was happening, soon another daughter and her two children moved in. My life was rapidly changing and yet I found that I could remain centered in who I was and I made sure that my needs were honored and supported first and then I could be there in love for those around me.

Then came another change – one that I was not sure that I was ready for! I thought that I needed a business partner. However, in the midst of my morning meditation when I heard myself say, “Okay God, I’m ready. Send me someone just like me.” and felt the jolt in my solar plexus that shot up through my head and out the top like a rocket, I said “OH Shit, what have I done now?”

Well the rest is history. Two weeks later we met and shortly thereafter I informed you that I was not sure whether we would ever be lovers but I did know for sure that we had work to do together and it was therefore imperative that we be friends.

And here we are eighteen years later still friends. I love you my friend!

Why are we together?

We come together in relationships so that we can see our selves more clearly. Discovering who we are is one of the most intense and ongoing projects of our life. We are drawn to our friends, our partners, and others so we can incorporate the parts of ourselves that we see in each other.

In our relationship, I see you as the “watcher” and I am the “doer”. I am the dancer accepting every dance and you are the wallflower rejecting every offer.

So what does that tell me about me? It says that the masculine or physically connected part of me is what is holding me back from what my feminine-spiritual self wants to accomplish.

It is easy at this point to blame you and accuse you of holding me back; to say it’s your fault that I am not doing what I want to do. In reality that horse won’t run; it is never about you – it is always that within ourselves that holds us back or pushes us forward.

My business then is about seeing clearly these aspects of myself that you represent, being thankful for the insight and using this information to make the changes in me that will help me move wholeheartedly into my desired happening.

Relationships are not about finding the one who will make you whole. As long as we are looking for someone to complete us, to make us whole, we will continuously be disappointed. We must recognize the whole complete and wonderful self that we are and then we are ready to pursue a deep and meaningful relationship with someone else.

That means that you are with me so that you can see more clearly that child in you that wants to dance and not care whether they are doing it right. The part of you that wants to ignore the rigid parent who keeps saying “You are not doing it right!! Stop wait, watch until you’re sure!”

You admire and at the same time disapprove of the child part of me that jumps up and dances and makes up her own steps as she goes. The critical parent that presides over your life and makes all the rigid rules says “That’s just not right!”

So your business is about quieting the critical parent giving them something else to do, and get out on the floor and dance.

As I discover more of the watcher in me and you discover more of the dancer in you

We become more complete within ourselves. You become more like me and I become more like you and we expand and grow together and become more appreciative of each other in the process.

This process is not about finding ourselves, because we have never been lost. It’s about uncovering our true self that has been buried under all the rules and regulations of our parents, teachers, preachers etc.

We hid under these covers because they kept trying to press us into molds that did not fit what we knew we came here to do. Thus you hear about the “terrible twos”, because this is when we first found out that we had a voice and maybe a choice and so we said “NO!! No I don’t want to do it your way.”

So the terrible twos are about trying to stop their interference in who we wanted to be. Our No’s and our tantrums or withdrawals became more pronounced because we felt we were being snuffed out!

We wanted to say “Let me be me, let me be who I came here to be” and the only word we had at the time was NO!

Slowly we felt ourselves losing it and the mold began to close in on us and we began to hide who we were so we could be more acceptable to those who were bigger and stronger.

And now we find our selves in our 50’s and 60’s still trying to be free of this internal parent who wants to direct our lives.

How do we break the chains that bind us?