Why are we together?
We come together in relationships so that we can see our selves more clearly. Discovering who we are is one of the most intense and ongoing projects of our life. We are drawn to our friends, our partners, and others so we can incorporate the parts of ourselves that we see in each other.
In our relationship, I see you as the “watcher” and I am the “doer”. I am the dancer accepting every dance and you are the wallflower rejecting every offer.
So what does that tell me about me? It says that the masculine or physically connected part of me is what is holding me back from what my feminine-spiritual self wants to accomplish.
It is easy at this point to blame you and accuse you of holding me back; to say it’s your fault that I am not doing what I want to do. In reality that horse won’t run; it is never about you - it is always that within ourselves that holds us back or pushes us forward.
My business then is about seeing clearly these aspects of myself that you represent, being thankful for the insight and using this information to make the changes in me that will help me move wholeheartedly into my desired happening.
Relationships are not about finding the one who will make you whole. As long as we are looking for someone to complete us, to make us whole, we will continuously be disappointed. We must recognize the whole complete and wonderful self that we are and then we are ready to pursue a deep and meaningful relationship with someone else.
That means that you are with me so that you can see more clearly that child in you that wants to dance and not care whether they are doing it right. The part of you that wants to ignore the rigid parent who keeps saying “You are not doing it right!! Stop wait, watch until you’re sure!”
You admire and at the same time disapprove of the child part of me that jumps up and dances and makes up her own steps as she goes. The critical parent that presides over your life and makes all the rigid rules says “That’s just not right!”
So your business is about quieting the critical parent giving them something else to do, and get out on the floor and dance.
As I discover more of the watcher in me and you discover more of the dancer in you
We become more complete within ourselves. You become more like me and I become more like you and we expand and grow together and become more appreciative of each other in the process.
This process is not about finding ourselves, because we have never been lost. It’s about uncovering our true self that has been buried under all the rules and regulations of our parents, teachers, preachers etc.
We hid under these covers because they kept trying to press us into molds that did not fit what we knew we came here to do. Thus you hear about the “terrible twos”, because this is when we first found out that we had a voice and maybe a choice and so we said “NO!! No I don’t want to do it your way.”
So the terrible twos are about trying to stop their interference in who we wanted to be. Our No’s and our tantrums or withdrawals became more pronounced because we felt we were being snuffed out!
We wanted to say “Let me be me, let me be who I came here to be” and the only word we had at the time was NO!
Slowly we felt ourselves losing it and the mold began to close in on us and we began to hide who we were so we could be more acceptable to those who were bigger and stronger.
And now we find our selves in our 50’s and 60’s still trying to be free of this internal parent who wants to direct our lives.
How do we break the chains that bind us?
